Nick Baker

Nick Baker is a threat of unconfirmed origin. He has recently gone missing. The investigator currently assigned to finding him is Hua Baker.

Middle Ages
There are numerous works of art and literature created in the middle ages throughout the world that are suspected to depict Nick Baker or concepts related to him. Unfortunately, the list of these works is quite sizeable and would likely crash most modern web browsers from the sheer size of it, so the following list is merely a small fraction of it:


 * Walking on a Mountain Path in Spring possibly depicts a soul stuck in the Baker Cube c. 1190
 * Mural on the interior wall of a Swedish church playing chess c. 1480
 * Adoration of the Magi (circled here) inspecting a woman's foot c. 1480~1482
 * The Sistine Chapel Ceiling (circled here) posing c. 1508~1512
 * Triumph of Death (circled here) looking bored c. 1562

1986
The earliest confirmed sighting of Nick Baker dates back to 1986 during the Chernobyl disaster where he was reportedly seen lounging on the Elephant's Foot drinking kombucha while holding up a sign with the words "I AM AM NICK BAKER" [sic]. Witnesses, terrified, alerted the authorities as they were unsure how someone could survive the lethal levels of radiation and heat in that environment (not to mention his odd appearance), but he was gone by the time the military arrived.

2001
The second major sighting occurred on September 11th, 2001 where he was seen doing exercises (including sit-ups, push-ups, weight training and stretching) on the roof of the One World Trade Center wearing a tank-top and boxers. He did not seem to enjoy the activity however, and appeared distracted by something on the horizon.

Early-mid 2000s
Some students attending Harvard University at the same time as Mark Zuckerberg claimed that they could sometimes hear Zuckerberg talking to someone referred to as Nick Baker in his room. But whenever someone came in while this was happening, there was never anyone there other than Zuckerberg. When asked about this, Zuckerberg has consistently replied "I do not know what you are talking about".

2007
On June 20th, 2007 at 1:31 PM UTC, a Myspace account named Nick Baker was created, before being disappearing 20 minutes later. During this brief period, users hastily started to ask him questions, and he would answer some of them: It is unknown whether the "Time is convoluted" comment is intentionally or coincidentally reminiscent of a similar quote in the future 2011 video game Dark Souls. A copy of the selfie mentioned can be found here.

2 hours after the account disappeared, Myspace administrators claimed that their database had no records of it or anything similar.

2019
On April 1st, 2019 at approximately 6:00 PM AEDT, Nick Baker appeared outside a server farm in Sydney, Australia. He loitered there for exactly 6 hours until midnight when he suddenly walked away with a grieving expression and disappeared. Staff claim exterior surveillance footage does not show anyone loitering in the 6 hour period.

Sometime in November, 2019 at the Wuhan Institute of Virology, Nick Baker was seen carrying a glowing green cylinder resembling a glowstick with a pair of bolt cutters into the building at night. A short while after this, a window opened and a large amount of bats fled through it. Chinese authorities later claimed "everything is fine" and that "everything under control" [sic]. This incident is believed to have helped start the Find the Nick! initiative.

Other Appearances
Numerous people from around the world have claimed to have seen Nick Baker engaging in odd or eccentric behaviour, usually while holding a bottle of kombucha.

Mysteriously, these sightings have completely stopped and occurrences of the Baker Cube have decreased dramatically ever since the bat incident at the Wuhan Institute of Virology in late 2019.

Origin
Scientists theorize that Nick Baker is the result of highly improbable quantum reactions in a bystander caused by the uniquely extreme conditions of the Chernobyl disaster, but this does not explain pre-Chernobyl works and depicting entities closely resembling him. The bystander who 'birthed' Nick Baker is currently unknown and believed to be unidentifiable as their body would've disintegrated due to the aforementioned extreme conditions.

The Baker Cube
The Baker Cube is a disease (or mental state, according to some East Asian beliefs) believed to be caused by Nick Baker's emotion pool running dry, causing him to draw upon other sources of emotion (usually people). This is not believed to be a conscious act on his part.

Early symptoms include:


 * Absent-mindedness
 * Hypersalivation
 * Disturbing dreams

In later stages of the disease (usually four days in), victims usually display (in addition to previous symptoms):


 * Hallucinations (usually of Nick Baker and the sky turning orange)
 * Diarrhea
 * Skin temporarily taking on a yellow tint
 * Speaking in tongues
 * Compulsive urge to say "I, am Nick Baker" in response to people asking who Nick Baker is
 * Antisocial behaviour

Curiously, there are no recorded deaths due to the Baker Cube because the diarrhea does not cause any dehydration and the hallucinations never manifest in a way that may cause the victim to harm themselves. It's hypothesized that Nick Baker exerts his influence on those afflicted to ensure none of them indirectly die because of him without his permission.

Symptoms are typically gone after seven days.

In Religion
In some Buddhist sects, it's believed that Enlightenment occurs when one is able to take control of the Baker Cube, essentially making one a part of Nick Baker and vice versa. However, pursuing this is allegedly dangerous and there's a chance you'll become 'stuck' in the Baker Cube if your mental fortitude is not impressive enough, though it's not unheard of for someone to escape. According to these sects, Gautama Buddha is the only individual to have achieved this state of being.

The Bakerite Cult utilizes a form of meditation called "Baking" which may be related to the Baker Cube.